Thursday, September 07, 2006

My Very Own Pity Party

Years ago, my Sister's used to hold what they called "pity parties". Basically, they felt sorry for themselves because they did not have boyfriends. So, instead of dressing up and going out in public to perhaps be seen by real boys/men. They would pull on their sweats, make popcorn and sundaes and watch chick flicks until they were crying, tired and the next day no man would talk to them if they even tried.

Yesterday and perhaps this morning just for fun. I decided to allow myself my very own pity party. No, no, no, not because I don't have a man, I have one of those. But, because I feel gyped. And here is why.

1. I lost half my summer to my ectopic and surgery. I keep having relapses of pain that sends me almost to the hospital (but apparently is just my bowel pulling scar tissue, no need for surgery yet).

2. My doctor told me yesterday (my fertility doctor) that I am "only" ten pounds heavier than my ideal weight. "Do I need to lose weight?" I ask. "Are you saying I am overweight?", "Why did you say that at all?". He did not respond to any of my questions. Only made the comment that I am ten pounds heavier than I should ideally be. THANK YOU SO MUCH. LIKE I DIDN'T FREAKIN' KNOW THAT ALREADY!!!!!!!

3. When OHIP covers your IVF, they don't actually cover everything. So instead of $10,000, like we paid for J, we will still have to fork out $3,000. Not bad, I thought. Hubby was appalled! He kept saying "What happened to coverage, why should we pay anything?". All the while I am thinking, I did not cry once when I lost my ectopic, I did not bawl my eyes out when I almost died, I haven't sulked about the fact that I lost my fallopian tubes, nor have I complained that I can't walk, work out or anything. I just feel like a slug!

4. When your Doctor offers you a trial treatment, that covers all costs, he should really look into your reactions to drugs before saying anything. As I was getting all excited to try out a new drug and way of taking them, I realized with my awesome stimulation of my follicles that this would not be a possibiltiy. I would most likely hyper-stim and have to cancel. And if I am taking drugs, I won't be doing it with a more than 50% chance of cancellation.

So folks, join with me will you, in my own little pity party. Shed a tear, throw out your carbs and all the candy you brought back from vacation. Scrimp and save so you hubby realizes that IVF is way more important than a round of golf. Go lift some weights, no matter how bad it hurts, take a walk and perhaps run a bit, why not? Throw all caution to the wind, because it really doesn't get much worse than this. And remember. It is September, not November and the cloudy rainy month is still to come. For now, just pray that the sun will shine this afternoon and you will get some of your much needed sunshine full of vitamins and goodness. Cause nothing restores the body better than some sun shining on your face.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Anna,
I am in my sweatpants sitting on the couch crying my eyes out with you. A good tear-letting always helps to cleanse the soul and to get ready for the rough road ahead. I find you need to break down completely in order to recharge that strength battery . You my dear friend have been through so much in the past 6 months you need to recoup. I am here willing to give you hugs and support and cry with you. Let it all out and I will order up some sunshine your way!
big hugs to you and I am seriously sitting here crying as I read your blog this morning. I am hoping my tears will somehow ease the pain for you. love lini

8:49 AM  
Blogger nancy said...

Hang in there toots! You are a strong woman, already having gone thru so much, you'll get there. Pity party all you want, can I bring the chips & dip?

9:00 AM  

I hope you take your pity party outside.
I think your going to get your September sunshine today. It looks like it is going to be beautiful.

9:23 AM  
Anonymous Kailani said...

I hope the weather is great over there. It should definitely help lift your spirits.

Sorry to hear about everything you went through. I've had 2 miscarriages (one at 5 months) before Baby Bug was born. Miracles do happen.

4:50 PM  
Blogger chichimama said...

Oh, sweetie. You have every right to throw a pity party. Big, big hugs. Can I send you some candy? I've been chowing down on some lovely bon-bons tonight. And I am WAY more than 10 pounds over my ideal weight...

9:24 PM  
Anonymous brenda said...

Oh my!

I say you can certainly have your pity party! You have had your share of heartaches to take a day to process and regroup from everything. You have a lot that you could be bitter about, instead, you have been digging deep for the positives even though it seems like there can't be any thing positive that can come out of all this. I hope your day of sweats and munchies and chick flicks give you the boost to find those positives again tomorrow. I believe there WILL be something positive to come out of all this ;)


10:37 PM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

I ment to sign off...hoping you get the "positive" vibes I'm sending!

10:39 PM  
Blogger Silver Creek Mom said...

YOU GO GIRL! I love pity parties...well when I need them usually in january when I feel cold and locked up int he house and everything even the small thing can set me into tears.

HUN you have every right to be ticked. AND only 10 lbs over your ideal weight...WTF? That is such an inconsiderate thing to say. I'm sure he dodn't answer because he knew he said the WRONG THING. SIGH.

Ihope you feel better and stronger soon. And if you need to vent you KNOW my NUMBER and call me! And NO you won't be bothering me. Honest.

7:59 AM  
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4:40 AM  

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