My Very Own Pity Party

Years ago, my Sister's used to hold what they called "pity parties". Basically, they felt sorry for themselves because they did not have boyfriends. So, instead of dressing up and going out in public to perhaps be seen by real boys/men. They would pull on their sweats, make popcorn and sundaes and watch chick flicks until they were crying, tired and the next day no man would talk to them if they even tried.

Yesterday and perhaps this morning just for fun. I decided to allow myself my very own pity party. No, no, no, not because I don't have a man, I have one of those. But, because I feel gyped. And here is why.

1. I lost half my summer to my ectopic and surgery. I keep having relapses of pain that sends me almost to the hospital (but apparently is just my bowel pulling scar tissue, no need for surgery yet).

2. My doctor told me yesterday (my fertility doctor) that I am "only" ten pounds heavier than my ideal weight. "Do I need to lose weight?" I ask. "Are you saying I am overweight?", "Why did you say that at all?". He did not respond to any of my questions. Only made the comment that I am ten pounds heavier than I should ideally be. THANK YOU SO MUCH. LIKE I DIDN'T FREAKIN' KNOW THAT ALREADY!!!!!!!

3. When OHIP covers your IVF, they don't actually cover everything. So instead of $10,000, like we paid for J, we will still have to fork out $3,000. Not bad, I thought. Hubby was appalled! He kept saying "What happened to coverage, why should we pay anything?". All the while I am thinking, I did not cry once when I lost my ectopic, I did not bawl my eyes out when I almost died, I haven't sulked about the fact that I lost my fallopian tubes, nor have I complained that I can't walk, work out or anything. I just feel like a slug!

4. When your Doctor offers you a trial treatment, that covers all costs, he should really look into your reactions to drugs before saying anything. As I was getting all excited to try out a new drug and way of taking them, I realized with my awesome stimulation of my follicles that this would not be a possibiltiy. I would most likely hyper-stim and have to cancel. And if I am taking drugs, I won't be doing it with a more than 50% chance of cancellation.

So folks, join with me will you, in my own little pity party. Shed a tear, throw out your carbs and all the candy you brought back from vacation. Scrimp and save so you hubby realizes that IVF is way more important than a round of golf. Go lift some weights, no matter how bad it hurts, take a walk and perhaps run a bit, why not? Throw all caution to the wind, because it really doesn't get much worse than this. And remember. It is September, not November and the cloudy rainy month is still to come. For now, just pray that the sun will shine this afternoon and you will get some of your much needed sunshine full of vitamins and goodness. Cause nothing restores the body better than some sun shining on your face.