Friday, March 31, 2006

Date Night

Ahh, and you thought Hubby and I had a date. Nope not so. I had a date night with a bunch of girlfriends. And it was great!! We all met because of our kids and now we go out sometimes without them. How great is that?

I was able to be part of a suprise, which I love, one of our friends drove all the way from the North to see everyone. It is really fun to watch people say hi to one another then all of a sudden realize that someone that shouldn't be there is there.

Great food was had, great wine was had, and best of all the conversation was fabulous. Nothing beats a night out with girlfriends to recharge your batteries, get you going for your next adventure, make it through Friday.

Thank you to all the ladies that made it out. Thank you for staying up way past your bedtime. I hope all of you got to sleep in way later than I did. And sadly enough, I brought my camera and forgot to take photos. Oooh yes, and thank you to the little man that joined the group, you were a charm and let your Mom visit with everyone so nicely.

Happy Friday! See you all again, very soon.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Following up

We had our follow up from our disaterous experiment today. I have to admit that this is the first time, I left not feeling like a bag of dirt.

First of all my Doctor made the mistake of telling my that my cycle should not have been cancelled. That alone almost sent me over the edge! He explained that we could have gone one more day at least and he wasn't sure why the Doctor on duty that day actually cancelled. I did explain that I tried to get in touch with him to make sure that he in fact knew exactly what was going on, unfortunately he was out of town.

Hubby spoke up with me to let them know that this was our only chance due to lack of current coverage on the meds. And shock of all shockers!!! He offered to cover the meds if we would like to try it again! I was a tad bit hesitant as the shock of the medication is still with me as are 6 of the 10lbs I gained. The depression is gone, but the memories of the exhaustion are not. However, Hubby, who has to deal with all the side effects was right there wanting me to go ahead and do it! The catch is we have to start up again next week or wait until July. Our clinic is moving and will not be available for a while and may be backed up a bit when they open.

I can't believe I am saying this, but I think we will be going for it!!!

It has arrived!!

The newest addition in "The Mother of All" series! I should start by saying how I was first introduced to Ann Douglas. We are going back quite a few years now, lets say... six or maybe almost seven. Hubby and I had finally come to the time when we were going to get pregnant. We had a plan. We would stop birth control and a few months later we would be pregnant.

We were picking up a few things at Costco and I was browsing the books, like I love to do. And to my surprise there was a pile of books called "The Mother of all Pregnancy Book". The first thing that caught my eye, other than the word "pregnacy" was the Canadian Flag. I was sick of flipping through books on how to get pregnant and have all sorts of American stats thrown at me. Not that I don't love Americans, I do, they are family. But, our medical system is somewhat different, so not all the information applies to all of us. I decide to pick up the book. I hid it in my nightside table, away from parents or step-children, and started to read it.

I loved the way the words just flowed. Ann spoke to me like I was a friend chatting it up over coffee. Trying to get pregnant is so easy for some, but for others not so good. I read only to the point where you actually get pregnant, promising myself that I would read the rest when I was pregnant. Months go by and nothing happens, we start going to see specialists and our route of infertility begins. I turned back to Ann's book on a daily, regular basis. The first time I read the book, I skimmed over the troubleshooting area. Not thinking that we would be having any problems. But, once problems were diagnosed, Ann was able to explain to me exactly what was wrong in plain english that I could understand through my anger and tears.

Fast forward. We go through our ivf and get the positive beta that tells us indeed that we are pregnant. The first thing I did, other than call Hubby and a few girlfriends was pull out Ann's book and read the rest. I referred to it throughout my pregnancy. I loved it so much that I started purchasing it for friends who were talking about getting pregnant. And I will say, thankfully, that all followed my lead and read the first half first, then waited, and within three months all were pregnant. I also make sure to throw in "The Mother of all Babies Book" for their showers.

Long before, I had ever heard of Blogging, I felt like I knew Ann so well. She was with me for so long trying to get pregnant. Flipping through pages all the time, made me feel like she was right there with me, holding my hand. Then, a girlfriend of mine started up this blogging thing and introduced me to Ann's Blog. I have now met Ann a few times and chatted through email, blogging and on the phone. Ann is one remarkable woman and I feel honoured that I was able to contribute some of my thoughts on sleep ,or lack there of, for her newest addition "Sleep Solutions for your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry approach for Each Age and Stage". I haven't finished it yet, I was too busy taking a nap, but know that it is full of real life wisdom and suggestions. And I can't wait to read the Toddler section, in hopes that we can reset the clocks here.

Thank you Ann, for being so good at what you do. For having the gift to put words together so well. And for sharing in our lives as we all learn to take on the role of parents.

Thank You.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Oh the Sand!

That came off of these kids after a couple of hours in the sandbox! As you can see we still have a little tiny bit of snow left, but nothing to slow us down for sure. The boys played in the sandbox for almost two hours while my Sister, Baby "A" and I sat up by the house and soaked in a few rays. (Yes, Baby was covered and sheltered from the sun).

If this beautiful weather continues we will have the pool set up for Easter! My Sister and I decided that it was much easier for us to sit and hang out, outside than in. We had already been for a walk and had lunch, but they were tearing up the inside of the house. As soon as we suggested outside the two of them were at the door and ready to go in their socks!!

We also brought out the dogs, the four of them were playing chase and crashing into each other ( no kids were hurt in the taking of this photo). They had a blast and in turn we had a blast. It was only a glimps of what is to come for us in the months ahead, and I cannot wait! But, please make summer go by just as slow as winter :).

Monday, March 27, 2006

Not so stellar

After last week's 4lb loss and feeling great, this week hasn't lived up to week #2 expectations. Although I followed carefully and continued with my greens and fruit, I did cheat a couple of times and had a couple of handfuls of jelly beans. Who knew that a few little beans of sugar would affect my whole week!! Ack. I have nothing extra to report as loss this week. So sad really.

But, I do have to say that I added a few more walks compared to the week before. And it should account for a little something extra on the excercise scale when you have to scrub your dogs after your walk. And no, I don't mean my feet. I mean my furry dogs. I thought it would be safe to take them with me, the roads looked dry. Apparently as the day goes on the sun gets stronger and the snowbanks melt. I took the bike path to my sisters, stopped for coffee, and headed home an hour later. The snowbanks were melting so fast, my dogs were covered in water and winter muck. "J" was even getting upset that he was getting sprayed in the face by Cosmo (the one with the longer fur, and the one who walks closest to the stroller).

Alas, my extra excercise did not help with a net loss of weight this week. Oh well, that's ok. I still ate healthier, and excercised more. That is the point to becoming a more healthier You. Will continue on the path, and hopefully with the warm temperatures forecasted this week and the fact that we put our chairs in our now almost snow free backyard, a little more outside air and excercise will net a bigger loss for next week.

Friday, March 24, 2006

15 Years

I studied French in school. And that is not counting the two years of French I took in University. I have an official bilingual certificate, but unfortunately since I don't speak French as often as I used to, it is pretty rusty.

Sometimes when I speak French to strangers, they switch to English. Which I find pretty insulting considering how much effort I put into speaking French in the first place. Apparently my accent isn't so good. My Dad and Mom were both born and raised in Montréal. My Dad can speak any dialect of French he chooses. It just rolls of his toungue. Whether we are in Paris, France or Mont Laurier, Québec my Dad can talk to anyone anywhere. He even started giving sermons at a Church up in the Gatineau in French last year. My Mom, well she can get by, but prefers not to speak it, she lacks the confidence in her language skills. I guess I take after my Mom.

In University I took Spanish, I speak better Spanish than I do French, and always when I do speak Spanish to a person of Spanish origin, they always, always reply in Spanish. Imagine that. They also immediately slow down their speech for my so I won't get lost in their quick talking. I love Spanish.

Hubby took a French test yesterday. He has been studying French for 5 weeks. Not only has he been able to correct my French when I try to help him (which I don't want to offer, in case I mess him up) but, he knows almost all of his verbs!!! His first ever real conversation in French was at this test. He was able to tell the person administering the test this much... in French. So, my Hubby has gone all of his life saying "I can do ____ because I don't speak French". Well, not anymore. He had to at least score a 1, meaning that he understood some basic French and could reply with mistakes. He not only scored a 2, meaning that he understood and replied with little mistake, but he scored a 2.5!!! Sorry, that is out of a score of 5. Ack! All those years spent learning and speaking French, and here Hubby goes mastering the language in 5 short weeks. He still has some learning to go, but obviously he will be chatting with my Dad in no time flat. Now his Dad will be asking him if he is going to start learning German.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Trucks, snow and toes

Why is it that at least once a week, despite getting up and going to bed at the same time, do I feel like I have been run over like a truck? I try hard to keep my routine so I don't feel this way, yet here I am with eyes barely open and stiff as a board. I did nothing different yesterday, I got up at 5:10am and went to bed at 10pm. Same thing, different day. Except last week when we slept in until 6 or 6:30am everyday because the neighbour was on vacation and the paper guy came later. I think I was spoiled by the extra sleep last week, but it still doesn't explain why at least once a week I feel this way. Could it be the way I sleep, the dreams I have or the way in which I wake? I think I will have to start taking note of what happens during the night when I feel like this. I don't remember much from last night, except that "J" woke up at 4am and fell back asleep. Hmm, perhaps I feel this way after waking up and falling back asleep. Which would be strange considering for 18 months "J" woke up 3-5 times a night and I didn't feel this way. I sure hope it isn't because I ate a few jelly beans yesterday, yes, I know, not good, but I was having sugar withdrawl. I will be back on track today for sure :). Hopefully I will wake up soon and be able to enjoy the day ahead.

Speaking of which, yesterday saw more than half the snow in our backyard melt away. I am looking forward to our high of +7 to melt the rest of it today!! The dogs are happier sitting on the grass, basking in the sunshine. I think I have the only Siberian Huskey that loves to sit in the hot sun and bake. Even when it is the hottest day of the summer, he sits outside in the sun and bakes his black fur. Our Collie-Lab loves the sun too, but he is blonde and not a winter dog so it makes a bit more sense.

I am also looking forward to getting into the sandbox. We have been able to see the top of it for about a week and a half and we keep telling "J" that as soon as the snow is gone from the sides we will be able to play in it again. I think we might be able to crack it open today. None to early either. Although we have been playing outside, hockey on the driveway and running aimlessly around the backyard I am looking forward to a few more fun things to do outside, because I have truthfully had enough of inside for one season. We got "J" one of those one piece rainsuits from Mountain Equipment Co-op and I am not saying that I want it to rain a lot, but these are great for playing outside in wet snow/grass. He can cover up and play in the sand or roll in the grass (something he likes to do like the dogs) and I don't have to change him everytime we go outside. And even though we live around the corner from a park, I think we need a small swing get up. The park is ok, but certainly not my favorite, when school is out for the summer we can use the school parks which are newer and more fun for toddlers, but I think it would be fun for "J" to have his own park right here.

And finally toes :) I just had to add that my toes are ready and raring to go for sandal season. I gave them a little pedicure so they didn't look so winter sad. Hubby gave me a manicure/pedicure for Valentines at The Spa but, I am going to save that until closer to Easter to really be ready for Summer. But, I felt really great after soaking them in my foot tub and putting some wonderful red polish on them. I have been using this red since I was a waitress and it was the number one selling polish. I usually only wear it on my toes, and do have other colours to change it up a bit, but there is something about a good red polish to wake up your toes after the winter. Love it!! Who knows, maybe I will play outside in my sandals today, just because.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Baby Neice #2 has arrived!!

Two days after her Sister's 5th Birthday (Happy Birthday GR) little N arrived at 8lbs8oz. My Sister made it through a delivery without drugs (it was too late) and all went well for the delivery. Apparently my Sister had some minor hemoraging, but it was caught early and all was corrected quickly. My Mom flew out to Saskachewan to help her on Friday, so they are all in good hands.

Phew! I am done. My Sister's are done with their pregnancies for a bit so I won't be faced with it everyday anymore. My first neice is doing well and I can actually be around her without welling up with tears. Probobly because all the drugs are out of my system and I have a better handle on my emotions. The hardest part now, is that "J" wants a sister of his own. He is very good with babies and likes to take care of Neice #1 all the time. He wants to help his Aunt dress her, change her, put her in the carseat/bassinet, feed her. Then he asks the hardest question of all, "Where is my sister?". What do you tell a 2 1/2 year old? We are trying baby, we are trying.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tagged by Whoorl

3 things you wish for:
1. More Kids
2. More Kids
3. That my kids always think I'm cool.

3 things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts!):
1. Modelling
2. Singing
3. Driving cross country in a convertible (yes, in the summer, with sunscreen on my kids).

3 bad habits you have:
1. snacking in the afternoon
2. not covering my mouth when I yawn (how did I lose that simple form of being polite?)
3. leaving garbage in the car.

3 insecurities you feel:
1. That my nose is too big.
2. That people thing I am boring now that I am a Mom.
3. That I am fat.

3 talents/skills you wish you had:
1. That I was an athlete, naturally.
2. That I could draw, well, without effort.
3. That I could sing, and people would stop and listen

3 things you would do if you had more time:
1. Write a book.
2. Go to a heath Spa
3. Go back to school

3 things that bring you peace/relaxation:
1. Sitting on the beach.
2. Floating in water.
3. Basking in the sun.

3 things that spark your creativity:
1. Reading a magazine (Ok, truth, reading a Martha Stewart Magazine, sorry, it makes my creative juices flow).
2. Going to a craft store, like Michael's
3. Shopping with My Mom.

Tag You're it!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Spring Has Sprung

I have a picture of a Robin I saw yesterday, but for some reason Blogger won't let me post it right now.

But, it is a sure sign of Spring when you see a beautiful fat Robin sitting on your fence.

Welcome Spring!! We have been waiting for you!

Week One

The first week of "Operation Healthier Me" went very well. I lost 4lbs and feel I could or should have lost more, but things kind of fell apart on the weekend.

Friday, a girlfriend came for lunch and brought Strawberries. Strawberries alone were perfect, but she added some homemade chocolate crepes and Devon custard to the mix. Yikes! Add to that a dinner at "Swiss Chalet" (with salad instead of fries) and Friday was out the window. Saturday got off to a great start, but took a small nosedive when we ordered pizza for dinner. I like my pizza vegeterian with half the cheese, but still, three pieces later and I was feeling badly. Sunday was pretty good, but I think I will be back on track today for sure.

As for my excercise, I haven't lived up to my expectations. I managed two walks (each an hour in legnth) in the freezing North wind. It looked so beautiful out with the sun shining, but the wind just about killed us. And I didn't manage the bike at all. So this week, I hope to up my excercise. I have to get past the cold in the basement to actually get on the bike, then I will be home free. Once you start riding you warm up, right??

All in all I feel this was a good start, and hope to improve this week and see the numbers continue to fall. I am aiming for a healthy loss of 2-3 lbs each week, but was hoping for a good kick start from the first week. I feel better already, just adding in all the good fruit and salads again.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Two Brothers

As I sit here typing, I am watching two brothers interact. And despite their difference in age of eleven years, they get along so well. "A" & "J" are sitting on the family room floor working on "A"'s computer. His old computer crashed and his Grandparents gave them their old one to make new again.

As the older brother shows his younger brother how to work on things there is no sweeter sound than the youngest saying " I am helping you!" and hearing a " You are doing a great job" in reply. They each have their own screwdrivers and seem to be helping each other take apart and reassemble the computer. There is no frustration and no arguments. Just two brothers teaching each other a little something while working together.

I am so blessed with two boys that love each other. It is days like these that I don't feel that we are missing anything with our family. It doesn't mean that I don't hope for more, but I do know that we are good the way we are if nothing more comes our way.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I hope that everyone is enjoying a little 'Luck O' the Irish' today. I almost forgot that today used to be one of my favorite celebrations, but Hubby reminded me. So all of us are decked out in some shade of green. And I know that Easter is truly the first real sign or festivity of Spring, but I always felt (way back when I worked in restaurants) that St. Patty's day was the first fling of Spring. I indicated in my earlier post about March Break how we used to see the parade on our March Break in Montréal. I loved it. And in later years I loved tricking the bar patrons into really thinking that the beer companies sent us green beer. NO, it isn't green! We used food colouring in the glasses before we filled them, that way when the glass was filled the beer turned green. Sorry to disappoint.

So Happy St. Patty's Day everyone, and hope you all have a tad bit of beer to celebrate the day!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I Love Surprises!!

Oh how I love surprises!!!! Imagine the thrill this morning when I went to the mailbox and discovered this lovely box addressed to me. When Ann Douglas finished her latest book, she put out a call to the first five people to name her lastest creation. Those five people would get a prize. Having been a previous recipiant of a prize (Hotel Horror Stories) I know that Ann puts a lot of thought and care into these care packages. And I was thrilled to be a winner again!

Before I even had the box fully open I was making plans for the use of this gorgeous pink bag! I love handbags, and do not have a pink one to match my pink coat or pink poncho. I love it!!!!

Thinking the pink bag was more than enough for naming on of Ann's fabulous books, I took it out of the box and found more fun and funky things.

The bag, a pink notebook, a tangerine candle and a few books. First, "The Best American Short Stories" by Sue Miller (books on tape, how divine for the bath). Then "The Hypochondriac's Handbook" by Wendy Marston and "Normal is just a Setting on the Dryer" by Adair Lara . And a "Grinch" notecard. the very bottom of the box... La piece de resistance....

"The New Complete Coffee Book" a gourmet guide to buying, brewing, and cooking. By Sara Perry. Oh my goodness!! The recipes and my love of coffee alone are yelling at me to bake, bake, bake! I will wait, I want to enjoy the first creation that comes from this book. In the meantime I will read up on my bean purchases and try an new coffee called "thai kah-fe" sounds scrumptiously delicious.

A big Thank You to Ann for such a treat. My day was made so bright by the simple trip to the mailbox. It was a trip worth making. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Remembering March Break

Today "A" will come and join us for some March Break fun. He called on Monday, bored on his first day of Spring Break, and asked if he could come over for a couple of days. "Of course, anytime!", was my reply.

When I look back to March Break when I was a little girl, I remember fondly almost all of them. In the early years, my Mom would take us to Grandma's in Montréal. We would hang out with Grandma, feed the birds off her balcony, take trips on the Metro uptown for lunch at 7th floor Eaton's. And always, always we would get our spring wardrobe.

As my sister and I got older we started to take the Voyageur bus all by ourselves. We would have a packed lunch and sit in the front seat. We would get off the bus downtown at "Guy and Dorchester", which is now "Guy and René Levesque", where our Grandparents would meet us and we would head straight for the shops. We did other fun things, like watch the St.Patty's day Parade, go swimming at the Olympic pool, visit relatives that weren't really relatives (we didn't find out until many years later that they weren't really relatives) and to the occaisional musical or play. It was great. We looked forward to our trips to Montréal each and every year.

Then, we got older. It was no longer cool to go for the whole week, but we would get in our car and go for a weekend, sometimes bringing a girlfriend along, sneak into bars, shop for the cool, trendy clothes. Those are days I will never forget.

My Grandparents are gone now (my Step-Grandfather passed quite a few years before my Grandma), and had not lived in Montréal for quite a few years before that. I miss my excuses to get in the car and visit Grandma. I miss having a place to stay that was close to downtown, but filled with all things Grandma. I miss taking her out in the car and going to fun cafés for lunch, or a drive along the river. Those March Breaks were great, today I am missing March Break but, most of all I am missing Grandma.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

"Operation Healthier You"

I am joining Ann Douglas on "Operation Healthier You". Ann will be tracking her goals on one of her other sites, The Incredible Shrinking Blogger, and I hope to draw some inspiratioin from her and get healthier too!

My no-carb program went very well last fall, but now that I added another miscarriage and my recent failed drug therapy treatment, I am right back where I was last fall. Plumped up and out of shape. And now that Spring is showing her beautiful face, I am hoping to join her and shed some of the winter snow.

My goals are simple, if I can meet them, then I might try to push myself a bit further to achieve more.
- First goal, to lose 10lbs. I plan to achieve this by following a cross between a very old "Weight Watchers" program and the no-carb. It was really hard to do without carbs entirely, so I will try to only have one a day in hopes that I don't have the same cravings.
- Second, I plan to add a walk or ride on our stationary bike each day.
- And last I will add my favorite drink, water, back into my daily regimen.

So here we go, I will update once in a while here to let you know how things are going, hopefully before it is time to don the summer dresses and shorts, I will be back to my old slimmer version of myself.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Sugar Bush

Our first trip to the Sugar Bush with "J" this weekend and it was great! It was great for many reasons. The weather was better than anyone could ask for, sunshine and well above freezing temperatures is the perfect day for a sleigh ride.

The day was pulled together by one of my girlfriends. Another girlfriend was coming up for the weekend and a day was organized to get together for a visit. What a great time. After the sleigh ride (which technically wasn't at a sugar bush, but they brought in the maple sap to boil) through the country we all headed back to the house for some good food, good wine and girly chatter. The husbands were great, they all retired to a separate room to chat and let the ladies catch up. The kids ran around like crazy and fun appeared to be had by all, with only the occaisional mishap, but nothing serious.

There is nothing like a great day with girlfriends to retore the spirit, almost like sitting on the beach for a day, almost.

Friday, March 10, 2006

"Disney on Ice"

Am I a bad parent because I was bored at the "Disney on Ice" show?? The first half was pretty good, excitement wise. "J" had a blast, he was dancing and singing away, it was great! Then we took a break. The second half was not so exciting. "J" was asking to go home after about 5 minutes. If I could have escaped our row, I would have left for sure. The second half was mostly a love story with Tarzan and Jane. And although I was rather impressed with Tarzan's physique, it just wasn't enough to keep me captivated for the whole second half.

After "J" asked to go home for the 100th time, I was very thankful that the finale was on and it was indeed time to go. I think we had a better time going for lunch with a girlfriend and her kids and another friend and her kids. I am not sure the server at Boston Pizza would agree that she had the best of time, but oh well, it's payback time for all those years I had to clean up after other people and their kids! And ours were mostly loud, not messy. "J" had his first leak out in a very long time, and of course I had no extra pants. I had just checked his diaper too! I think he is getting close to the potty training thing as he seems to p almost immediately after a large drink. He didn't p again until 6pm!! But, it made my girlfriend laugh to see my son running around a restaurant in his diaper and socks ( he wanted to take his boots off!). Thankfully it was a warmer day outside so I wrapped him in my skijacket and bundled him in the car, where there are blankets and a heater :)

I am starting to feel better now that the drugs are wearing off, but it is safe to officially say that our experiment was a total bust. Can't wait for the follow-up appointment on this one!! Funny how they "forgot" all about me and didn't schedule anything, but I didn't forget and made sure to make the appointment for a couple of weeks away so I would be back to my old emotional self. "On with the show" as Bugs Bunny would sing!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Ah ha!

I did a little research tonight and found that one of the drugs that I still have to take as part of my experiment actually has severe side effects (for me). The side effects include: weight gain, irritability, extreme tiredness or sedation (it has been hard to stay awake lately) and.... depression!!

Everything I have been feeling and wrote earlier still stands, but it made me feel a little better to know that my inability to control my sadness may have had a little help. I won't be on these drugs much longer (a few days maybe, hopefully) and may return to my usual sunny beachloving self, although with the weight gain, I won't be beachin' it until it is gone ;)

In a Funk

Truth is out. I am officially in a funk. I don't want to do a self-diagnosis as I am not a shrink by any means. But, the truth is I am getting a bit depressed. It is to be expected, I was preparing for it, but I did not think that my beautiful little neice was going to arrive for another month, so I thought I would have this last bit of time to prepare. The fact of the matter is, since I saw her on Sunday, I cannot stop the tears from rising to the surface. Please don't get me wrong. I am so happy for my Sister and my little neice, but it is just as hard as I thought it was going to be and more.

I try not to dwell on the fact that I was pregnant before my sister, that I was pregnant with my sister, twice, and here I am still without. I do love "J" more than anything, I would not trade him for the world, I am happy with what I have, but I want more. Why do we always want more? If I knew there would never ever be more, then I think it would be easier to make that final wave goodbye and get over it. But, since I still feel that there is a chance for more, it makes this all so difficult.

The thing that puts me in the funk the most is the proverbial question, why me? Is it because I am so much stronger than my sisters that I have been chosen to hold the torch of infertility and loss? Did I do something so wrong in my youth that I am continuously being punished for it? I just want to yell really loud, WHY ME!!!!!??????? And add a few expletives for good measure.

I don't expect to find the answers out there in the blogsphere, but nobody here wants to hear about it, so well, you're it. Thanks for listening.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Teeny Tiny

Is my little neice! A2, as I will call her, was released from the hospital yesterday. And at a week and two days old, she is exactly half the size that "J" was on the same day! Since I never had a little baby, it was so strange to see her bundled up in her carseat. So teeny, she barely fit in the seat at all! Her recovery last week was remarkable and truthfully, she could have probobly come home on Friday, so the nurses pushed to have her sprung on Sunday (they usually don't do releases on the weekend, but she was ready). All the brusing that is left is on her eyelids, so she just looks like she is learning how to wear the latest colour of eye shadow early on. "J" & J2 were very gentle with and around her, which was good to see that they are aware of how to behave. I look forward to our next visit when I will hopefully see her out of her carseat.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Time to let go

Hubby and I received renewal papers for our "frosties" and had it not been for our recent experiment that cost us mucho dineros and was cancelled (although we are still awaiting results, just in case), we would have probobly renewed. But, truth be told, I was only keeping them around because we had no other hope. I needed back up, for me, to always know that there was one last chance at another child waiting in the sidelines. Hubby thinks that they were holding us back and it is time to let go. I cried and am still not 100% convinced it was the right thing to do, but we just can't keep paying them "just in case". So now "J" is our biggest (and most expensive) miracle, which makes everyday with him even more special and rewarding. We will continue our fight to add to our family but, we will be doing it on our own. And who knows maybe there is a botched experiment with a happy ending.