I have held the tears

So far. The appointment this morning wasn't quite as encouraging as I was hoping. Although my midwife was able to reach the cervix, the baby still hadn't quite dropped enough to break the water and get things going. So we are starting to make the next approach plans.

One last ditch effort with a little Castor Oil, just in case (I should add that the cervix is almost fully dialated, as in 8cm) it decides to work this time. Nothing happening yet and that was a few hours ago.

On of the midwives has much larger hands than my midwife so she may stop by later and see if she can break the water (I am so hoping for this). But, she has a birth to attend to first.

I will have an ultrasound tomorrow, after we meet J's teacher, to make sure all is well with the baby (they do this when you are late, not usually until 10 days past, but we need to do it tomorrow) because...

... if nothing happens we will be induced on Thursday. ACK! Send me prayers folks, I really, really, really don't want to be induced.

And Still

No Baby.

But, we are having fun with Opa, pictures will follow when I have time to update.

To the Midwife we go

And let's hope this is the beginning of the end. With my fingers tingling and the weight bearing down on my knees, I am honestly about ready to meet this little girl.

If she can't get things moving today, I will seriously be depressed by tomorrow morning, and may purchase some cod liver oil...

**Edited to Add: It should read Castor Oil up there, thank you Miss Mel let's hope what worked for your Grandmother will also work for me. And so... the baby has not dropped enough to do anything from my midwives perspective, so she recommended the Castor Oil. As well as crawling around on my knees! If I had known that I would have been crawling around for the last month. Anyhow, I will take the Castor Oil tonight and see if we at least get her to move down enough for a little extra help from my midwife. My fingers are still tingling, bummer.

Opa has Arrived!!

Sorry Silver Creek Mom, but the Baby will not be sharing your birthday!

The great news is that Opa has finally arrived!! Since we thought he would miss the big day, he was very surprised to see us at the airport. I tried almost everything yesterday. I vacuumed, I did loads and loads and loads of laundry. I am not even sure how we had so much last week, but it just kept going and going. I stayed on my feet almost all day, but all I got was a lot of aches and pains.

Today my girlfriend is bringing some spicy Thai food in hopes to get things moving, so we will see how that goes.

Oh yes, back to Opa. He lives in Vancouver and we miss him terribly when he is not here. The last two years he made two visits, one in the Spring and one in the Fall. This year we only have this one visit, so it has been a long wait for him to arrive. J is over the moon that he has arrived. It was nearly impossible to get him to bed last night. And today they are heading out to pick out his birthday present so J is very excited.

Thank you all for watching my non-labour and delivery so closely. The actual due date is Tuesday, the 28th. But J was early and even my midwives thought she would have been here by now. There is no such thing as a small baby in our family, so I am prepared for a big little girl. If I could do a jumping jack I so would, but I fear my knees would give out from holding all this weight and that just wouldn't be good for actual delivery so alas, I have not done any jumping jacks. I will definately keep you all posted, but for right this moment, absolutely nothing is happening.

Happy Birthday to Silver Creek Mom

I wanted to shout out a Happy Birthday to Silver Creek Mom. I know she wanted my little girl to arrive on her birthday as a present. And I have definately tried, but unless things start moving it most likely won't happen today. Although I should say it is only 8am and anything is possible.

I had another ultrasound yesterday, my Midwife wanted to be 100% sure that the baby was head down. They have been flipping back and forth as to whether or not she was breech. I kept telling them that she hasn't flipped around since the 30wk u/s but they still wanted to be sure. So, yes she is still the right way and measuring a little bigger than my Midwife originally thought. Between 8lbs 10oz & 9lbs 10oz. J was 8lbs 5oz (with a 10lb head) so I am not too worried. If this goes on much past her actual date then I will start to get nervous. I just hope she will fit the few little clothes I bought for the first few weeks.

I will be vacuuming again today, I did it last night for the first time since June, hoping to start things up. So you just never know... the 23rd may just be the day.

Is it Wrong?

That all I want to drink is Diet Pepsi?

Up until about a month ago or so, I wasn't drinking any soda whatsoever. All of a sudden I can't get enough. Not sure if it's the heat, the baby or just the sheer joy of drinking Diet Pepsi again, but it is all I want to drink.


And I am all out.

Off to the grocery store!

Ready... Set... Go...

I asked my Mom to come over and give my bedroom a good cleaning. Why you ask? Good question. You see we are planning a home birth. We did it for J and it was a wonderful experience so if all proceeds well we are doing it again.

When I was pregnant with J I was able to continue cleaning right up until labour started. This time around not so much. It all started a week before our vacation to the beach. I was doing my vacuuming, something I love to do because it completes the cleaning process, and I got a stitch in my side. I thought it was contractions so I stopped, waited 15 minutes and proceeded to finish. Well, the stitch came back. And anytime I walk too far, excercise too much or vacuum, I get a stitch. A very painful stitch. So, my cleaning has been limited.

When J arrived the entire house was spic and span, except our bedroom. That was the last room I needed to clean and vacuum and somehow in my two days of labour Hubby neglected to notice the fine layer of fur on the floor (the dogs were shedding). One of my midwifes sat in the fur on the floor waiting for J to arrive. I was devistated. One of the first things Hubby did after J's arrival was vacuum the bedroom.

This time around I did not want anybody sitting in fur, so I asked Mom to come and give the room a good once over. Well. She did more than just a once over. I never thought it was possible to clean a bedroom and bathroom for three hours. Yes, you heard me, three hours folks! She washed curtains, baseboards, knick knacks. Dusted books, put stuff away, cleaned windows. It was truly more than I asked for. I just wanted to know the room was clean and that a good vacuuming between now and when my labour starts would bring it up to speed.

I have never not wanted to sleep in my own room before. I didn't want to mess it up. And Hubby in the bathroom this morning. I had to go around after him and wipe up the sink and counters.

So, Mom, even though you have no idea how to get onto the internet and chances that you even know this blog exists are slim, I wanted to let the world know how grateful I am that you are my Mom. Thank you so much for cleaning our room and getting it ready for our newest arrival. I am sure the midwives will appreciate it and I know for sure that both Hubby and I do.

Thanks Mom.

Still a Girl!!

Yes indeed folks we got the confirmation that we are still indeed having a girl! I was more worried that J would be devistated at the baby being a boy than Hubby or I.

All in all the ultrasound went well. My placenta is no longer low-lying (very important for a home birth) and the baby was only measuring one week ahead. My belly on the exterior is measuring three weeks ahead so we (my Midwife and I) were worried that I was carrying a big baby, but she seems to be close to target and will most likely be the same size as J was when he was born (8lbs 5oz). And I didn't have an overly large amount of amniotic fluid, which was another concern. So all in all everything looked great. That's not to say that something might show up in the detailed report sent to my midwife, but for now I was breathing a bigger sigh of relief.

I will say that I am entering the tired zone and our week at the beach couldn't come sooner (this time next week I will be soaking in the sand and surf). Any later and I don't think I would be able to make the trip. As it is I do think that I will be slower than I previously thought. Vacuuming is now out (unless I want to start the labour, I may start vacuuming again in August) due to a pain on my side everytime I pull that sucker out. Cleaning bathrooms is out, due to not being able to bend over properly and clean the tubs and showers. Pretty much I am good for laundry and kitchen duty and that's it.

Hubby is working away on the new basement, A's room is almost done then a well deserved break will taken. All that matters is that A has a place to sleep the rest can be done a lot slower.

The new car is still a riot, I think this first tank of gas is a write off as Hubby insists on driving it every day (he drives like twice a week normally). We tested out the luggage in the trunk space and are ready to roll. I will say though that I am having a very difficult time changing from standard transmission to automatic. I have been driving a stick for 20 years (TWENTY YEARS!!!!!!) so I find myself pressing the phantom clutch and shifting into neutral a lot. The biggest test will come in the wintertime when I can no longer laugh at people spinning and sliding while I drive by in first gear, or when I can rock myself out of a snowbank with my clutch, those will be hard days and most likely I just won't go out.

Summertime

It's officially SUMMER!!! Yay! My favourite season has arrived and ironically it is a cool 20 degrees and raining today. Despite the hot, humid weather we have been having summer chose to come in rather on the sly this year. That's ok we needed the rain for the grass, not ours because we water, but everyone elses burnt lawns need a little help.

On the first day of Summer I always seem to have this one hit wonder in my head. A song by LFO called Summer Girls. Something about the song makes me always think of the beach. You can hear it and see it on You Tube (I am so lame, I can't figure out how to stick the video in here to click on). Funny, when I was younger it was John Mellencamp's (then Cougar) Jack and Diane that made me think of the beach, then Bruce Springsteen took over and then did Bryan Adams, I guess it all depended on what was popular that summer. Then one day I heard Summer Girls and that is the last song that stuck in my head as a reminder for a long time.

Hubby decided the other day that this would be the year that we introduces A to Bruce Springsteen on the road. We will have to see how long it lasts because A does get grumpy when you make him listen to too much good music. One of the fun things about our new to us vehicle is that it has a 6 cd changer, so I loaded it with our usual driving music (plus J's Curious George) and have been enjoying a little of the good tunes for the last few days.

Today is not only the first day of summer but it is ultrasound day. Since I hit 30 weeks yesterday, I get to have another ultrasound to make sure the placenta is in the right place. Hopefully we will also get confirmation that we are indeed having a girl! And if it turns out to be a boy, J will be one unhappy little boy, but what can you do?

20 Weeks

Ok, this weather really sucks. Yesterday was warm and sunny and we played outside and soaked it up. Today is snowing (well raining now) and yucky. No, I did not bring out the winter jackets again we wore our fleeces and rubber boots. We weren't cold as it is above freezing, it's just snowing, this is so wrong.

On a more fun note I am officially at my halfway mark in my pregnancy. 20 weeks!! Woo Hoo!

When I was pregnant with J, I wrote everything down in my journal. All the little tweaks and twinges. This time, not so much. I actually don't like to talk about being pregnant too much. Must be from the losses, afraid to say too much in case I have to unsay it all again.

I swear I look like I am seven months along instead of five. And my scale says I should deliver any day now, but then again I was 15 pounds heavier than I was for J, so I guess I am breaking the needle this time around. I am also keeping it up with working out. I haven't been entirely faithful in the every other day, but I am surely working out more than I thought I would. I walk on the treadmill (or outside when it is warm and sunny) and go through my weight routine. I also have a circuit that my trainer gave me, but that one just about kills me so I only do it once a week at the most.

All else is good, I am feeling lots of kicks and nudges now and don't need my doppler any more. J likes to pat my stomach and ask when he will get to meet his Sister. I keep telling him at the end of the summer, hopefully after your birthday. Every now and then he tries to belt me in the belly but I usually catch him before he makes contact. I think he thinks he can help it out if he wacks me hard enough.

So, here's to another 20 weeks or less of nothing too exciting going on. And I'll try to get a belly shot of two this weekend.

Happy Birthday A!

FIFTEEN!! 1.... 5... Can I believe it?? Not one bit.

Dear A,
I have known you now for twelve of your fifteen years. I may not be your birth Mom, but I love you like you are my own. I don't talk about you a lot here on my blog because well, you're fifteen. Why would I share with the whole world your teenage insecurities or the fact that you just won't eat lunch at the caf at school.

You have always been a kind, loving and wonderful kid. You do things that we ask without complaint. You trail along with us to grocery stores and boring relatives. We do in turn let you sleep until noon or later, let you stay up way late and give you free run on the computer. Why? Because your Dad and I remember just what it was like to be fifteen.

You are the best big brother we could have ever asked for. J loves you to death and counts the days until you come again. You are loving and patient with him and teach him all your favorite (age appropriate) video games. You spend hours building Lego ships and let me have a rest. You allow J to talk your ear off with no complaint, even though he has probobly said more words in his three and a half year than you have in your fifteen.

We love you and wish you the happiest of Birthdays.

Oh yes, and you got your birthday wish. Yes, you will get to have a Sister instead of another Brother. We think it is pretty great that you are excited to be a big brother again and not freaked out that you will have a Sister fifteen years your junior. Maybe you see how much I love my littlest Sister and look forward to the same type of relationship with your siblings as I have with mine.

Love,
Your BeachMama

Tomorrow

Is ultrasound day (18 week). I keep forgetting. My Mom and Sisters are far more excited than I am. This isn't normal. I mean, now that I have been thinking about it I am excited, but because I keep forgetting, I feel like it isn't normal.

I think I am not too excited because I have had so many losses in the last two years, I am afraid to be hopeful. That, I think, is normal. I do remember being calm about the whole thing with J too. It wasn't until after 24 weeks that I really started to get excited.

Tomorrow we should find out what flavour of bean we have roasting. Unless the bean doesn't want to cooperate. J wasn't super cooperative. Although I knew before the tech told me that he was a boy. I saw his goods before she did and he was playing with himself, that kind of gave it away, but I remained hopeful for a girl until she confirmed it for me.

I am not ashamed to admit that I was devistated at first that I was not having a girl. At the time my thoughts were, if I only get one chance at being a Mom, shouldn't I get a girl. I live with boys, my dogs are boys and at the time I had six birds who were also boys. But, within a day or two I was completely and utterly fine with a boy. And now, well, I wouldn't have it any other way. J is the sunshine of my life, the boy that keeps me going, the one that challenges me every single day with something new. And really, I always hung out with boys more than girls, it was only fitting.

This time around, it really, truly doesn't matter one single bit. I just want to know so I can plan. If we have another boy, well less shopping for me and so easy to set things up. I just move things from J's closet to the baby's closet (after A moves to his new room of course... and after we build it this summer). But, if it is a girl! Watch out. I will definately, 100% need to go shopping. If a girl makes it into this house, she must have a girly room, must, must, must. Our house is filled with everything boy, it would be a shame not to take advantage of setting up a room in all things girly. Those are my thoughts. But, I will say that I will not, absolutely will not be disappointed either way, I just want a happy healthy baby, who maybe, just maybe sleeps in until 6am. You know, if I can ask for something to be added into the mix.

Hopefully, I will have a report tomorrow! If the bean cooperates that is.

A Bright Sunny Day

Ahh... the sun is shining, the air is warmer, no Spring isn't quite here yet, but... I actually almost feel normal again!

Yes, I haven't shared it much really, but I have not been feeling like myself for the last few months. Last week I was actually starting to get worried. I had absolutely no motivation. I did not even want to shower! I never go without a shower.

I talked to my midwife about it and she suggested I start taking some iron. I wasn't super low, but low enough for me. I was also starting ween myself off the Diclectin. I was afraid to cut it off cold turkey for fear of getting sick, so I started to cut out one of the four pills each day. I have been off them for two days and on the iron for five. And amazingly I don't feel like I am dragging my feet anymore. And I actually feel like doing stuff! I know it has been kind of boring around here, but I just wasn't doing anything exciting. It was all I could do to keep J occupied all day long.

It also has helped that I picked up a doppler on Monday (for rent) from Fetal Assure. I thought I should get one for a couple of months so I don't have to constantly be wondering if there is a heartbeat or not. It has only been a couple of days, but I feel reassured.

And today is trainer day. Good thing I feel better. I was wondering on the weekend if it really was a good idea to go see her as I wasn't quite up to it yet. But, this morning I feel like all is well and that I will benefit from seeing her today.

So happy Wednesday all, let's hope this renewed feeling lasts with me at least until July or August.

Another Sneak Peek

Today, I got another sneak peek at my little pea. I am 11 weeks along and last week had my first midwife appointment. At ten weeks we knew we might not hear the hearbeat, and we didn't. In order to eliminate any fears or anxiety I may have had my midwife, bless her heart, gave me a requisition for another ultrasound.

So, today I got to see my fully formed pea, swimming gracefully (a little too much for the tech) on the screen. The heartbeat was 169, same as it was for J the first time I heard it and measuring right on track at 11 weeks.

At the same time I got the extra confirmation that there was indeed only one living large in my uterus. A little tiny bit of me was holding out hope that a second was hiding behind the first, but nope, there is only one. My mother apparently thought the same thing as she had a dream last night that she was presented with twins. I told her to wait for next time ;).

I am still not 100%, although I am taking the meds and excercising, my nausea is still present and my back still hurts a bit (more when I am tired). But, I am determined to be in good shape for this little one, so I will keep at it in hopes that the back will regain its full stregnth and not cause me any more problems.

Ahhh... massage...

After a weekend of rest, I was feeling pretty confident that my back was pretty much better. I had big plans for yesterday. Then. I sneezed. Yes, my friends, I sneezed. That was it. I was back to barely walking.

I did what I had to do. I called my midwives, made sure it would be ok to get a massage and then booked an appointment. I had to wait until 3:15pm, but it was so worth it.

My wonderful massage therapist was too pregnant, so I felt pretty confident. Although her five month along belly looked alarmingly small compared to my 10 week belly. It too is her second, and she did admit to being worried, but apparently the baby is measuring on track. She is a rather petite woman so I gave her a bit of grace considering I am far from petite.

We got started and right away she could feel that I had a lot of scar tissue from previous back injuries. I was pretty surprised because this is not my first massage for my back and nobody else has ever said a word about it. She could feel the inflamation and heat from my back and started work ing on it. I thought it was sciatica, but thankfully it was not. It was my hip rotators. Which can mimic the sciatica, but will heal faster. She worked away for 45 minutes and when I left I was much more upright than when I got there.

I asked her if it was ok to start walking slowly and stuff as I have been couch bound for way too long. We had a good laugh when she said I should get up off my couch. She admits that it will hurt at first, but the more I can get everything moving the better it will be (as I sit here on my couch typing). And if I don't get moving soon, this pain will be bound to stay around until August or September and just get worse and worse. We don't want that happening, so I have already been for two short walks (taking J to Duffer Doo, and returning with his shoes) and a third in another hour or so. This is a good start. Hopefully I will get in a round of yoga this afternoon to start to stretch things out. Then more walking tomorrow. The pain is much better today and hopefully I won't need to sneeze for a few days and let my back catch up.

One

Friday I had my first ultrasound. And I am pleased to announce that we have one beautiful bean growing away. I made the tech look extra hard to be sure there wasn't another lurking behind in the shadows and she assured me there was only one. My Doctor did say not to be surprised if another one showed up later on.

So, how do I feel about one. Good. Although I would have been happy with two, one means that I get to have my midwives again. And have another home birth. When you have twins you automatically become high-risk and thus not allowed to have a midwife or have them at home. This works out very well for me.

And having confirmation of my little bean meant I could take out the maternity pants without guilt. Thank goodness my older Sister gave me a whack load of Mat clothes that included not one but, two pairs of cool jeans, which is exactly what I needed. My belly has already grown enough that it is uncomfortable with my regular jeans. I can at least keep wearing my regular sweaters and shirts, just change up the pants for now. I am only switching a few weeks before I did for J so that's not too bad.

As for my back, well it is getting better, just a lot slower than I had hoped. We will keep on keepin' on and hopefully will resume some regularly scheduled fun in the near future.

Product Tester

Although I was feeling good for about two days, I have resumed my spot on the couch. Much to J's despair. He is learning slowly that Mommy needs a rest after lunch and that if he brings toys to me at the couch I will play with them. Just not the Tonka trucks.

My biggest problem is the nausea. I just never know if it will ever get worse. My Sister gave me a pack of gum and told me it worked for her. So far so good, I can go out for a few minutes to the grocery store while chewing away. Although I used to chew gum years ago and all the time, I had stopped. I find it irritating now, but I will keep on chewing if it helps me feel better.

So as I rested earlier this afternoon, my doorbell rang. That in itself is rare and usually means my pesky neighbour needs a pair of pants sewn or to put something in my freezer. But instead there was nobody. My dogs were barking and I don't like to open the door until I know the all is clear. I went in the living room and saw that the UPS truck was at the end of my driveway. So I opened the door and there was a package for me. Anxious that I was to get the package, I opened it up and I have been chosen to be a product tester for Glow magazine. I signed up back in the early fall and completely forgot about it. I have signed up to be product testers before through other magazines, but none of them ever sent me anything.

This time I got chosen to try a new anti-aging product. And on one hand I wanted to cry but, on the other hand I was looking at the wrinkles around my eyes this morning trying to remember what it is that my older Sister uses to make hers look less noticable. The one thing that makes me feel badly about not having kids in my twenties is that I feel that I look older than I should. I know being a Mom helps keep you young, but I want to keep looking young too.

I won't disclose the brand name yet as I haven't tried it and would like to be able to give an opinion about it when I do. Stay tuned, hopefully this will be the first of many trials.

A Couch with a View

This has been my view pretty much since last Wednesday. And before you read on, know in your heart that I am not complaining.

Nausea kicked in for me last Wednesday. I seriously think that Nancy and Silver Creek Mom wished it on me so much that it came to pass. I had minimal nausea for J when pregnant with him, nothing a bagel or crackers couldn't fix in a minute. Well, not this time. It started with a trip to Costco just a little too close to lunch time. I thought my Chai Lattée would hold me, but such was not the case. And because the sample ladies were just getting started nothing but the coffee was ready to sample. J and I bolted home and scarfed down lots of food in hopes of staving off the nausea.

Thursday came around and it was still there, then there was Friday! I thought I was going to die, it was very similar to when I had the Norwalk virus when pregnant with J except that I did not have to make any trips to the bathroom.

Saturday saw me doing much better. I pulled out my Seabands and I picked up a couple of home remedies, gingerale and mint candies. Then my girlfriend supplied me with candied ginger (this stuff rocks). I was feeling even better by Sunday.

One of the worst parts about feeling crappy is that J had to amuse himself. This is ok for a day or maybe two, but by Friday he was not so happy so my Sister came and kept us company for the afternoon. And with Hubby home on the weekend, I was able to drift in and out of sleep on the couch that I did not leave for two whole days. Ok, I pulled myself together to go to the store and my girlfriends house, but it was hard. It took a lot of convincing myself that I was not going to be sick.

Today, my Sister came again to stave off the boredom for J and brought me her favorite gum that she used to keep the sickies at bay. And hey it works pretty well. I will say that today is my best day so far. Either I am getting used to it or it is balancing off. I did know that it might be worse this time as my hcg levels were so high, and that is what can cause the nausea to begin with.

Anyhow, here's hoping that the sickies stay at bay and that I don't have to continue with the same view for the next five or six weeks. I may have to change to the other living room, just to see something different.

Good News

Today was my official beta for our ivf. And although I have known for a while that we had success, this time I chose not to share it here first. This time I (or I should say Hubby and I) decided to tell the family first on Christmas morning and I decided to wait for the official results to share it here.

The beta came in at 3978, 16 days past transfer. This number is really high and could possibly mean a multiple pregnancy, which I would be totally ok with. Hubby, not so sure, he almost passed out when I told him the number. Either way I am great with it.

Now we just pray that all things progress well and we make it to the ultrasound on the 19th of January. Just one day at a time, that is how I am taking this pregnancy. So far I should say that it is more like the time I was pregnant with J, than all the others. I am taking that as a good sign.